i need an iv and a liver transplant
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
