Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
