would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
