you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
