Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
