How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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