I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
MIDGETS
????
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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