Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I have demons in me.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
