i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
