Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
