Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
