woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
