Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
