I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
