I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
