I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
