Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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