I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
