its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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