i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
