White coat. Heels.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
