Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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