I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
