doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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