before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
