We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
