he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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