you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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