How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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