All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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