I need help removing her.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
