dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
