I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
