Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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