I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
