forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
