he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
