i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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