He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
