Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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