Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
