drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
