Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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