Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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