Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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