Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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