New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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