...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
