All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
love makes seman taste better
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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