What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
