conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
