I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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