actually, I'm a sock model
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
