Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
